Fancy Fast Food (a food humor blog)

I was playing catch up on my email and came across an article on HuffPost that described, and showed in detail, how to turn fast food into fancy looking and what seems to be, much better tasting plates. I wanted to share it with anyone who is still taking a moment of their time, reading what has turned into a pathetic blog.

Enjoy!

Fancy Fast Food (a food humor blog)

The Politics of Obsession

As my fiance will readily tell anyone who asks, I am one of those guys who cannot help but acknowledge beautiful women. Walking down the street, flipping thru a magazine or watching a movie, if I see hotness, I will more often than not, mention the fact that there is hotness to be recognized. I love women. What can I say. As crappy of a movie as it was, the Mel Gibson film, The Man Who Loved Women was like some kind of fantastical life story for me. The only difference is that there is no way in hell that I would end up with Helen Hunt. I mean, come on. Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt. Why not Bonnie Hunt? But I digress.

So I have to say that I am a very lucky man because not only does my fiance put up with me, she is also hot. Hot like the women I point out in the VS Catalog, or while watching Padme on Top Chef. But I do have to watch it sometimes, just to not cross over that line of noticing and into a full blown lecherous old man position. It is a tough line to hold to sometimes, but I try.

I was sitting at my desk, doing a bit of surfing during my lunch and I came across new pictures of Megan Fox. There was a bit about the new movie she is going to be in this summer. Zombie dance hall girl or something like that. Honestly, I did not read the article too carefully. Really now, it's not like it was politics or policy or something important. It was an article on Megan Fox. But it got me thinking about what some people would call my obsessive attraction to beautiful women. I started to do a quick count of all of the Megan Fox photos and articles that I had seen in the last month. If you took the number of articles, with full color pictorials included, added them all up, you would think that Megan Fox has a dozen films coming out in the next 2 or 3 months. Article after article. Picture after picture. There was even a little gif. file that so very sexily displayed Megan Fox, looking all hot, sitting there pulling up her skirt. And then there is the Esquire film. I challenge you to watch it and not comment on it, one way or another. Let's just say this. Megan Fox has a wonderful life. A lot of lying around in lingerie, swimming and primping. Awesome!!

So, again, back on track. If you think about all of these articles and pictorials, the animations and movies, it is plain to see that it is not just me. It is not just me who loves beauty and women and the combination of the two. A lot of people love exactly the same things I do. And you know what? I now know that I am not obsessive about my love of women. I am not freaky or weird or sick or whatever other label some might attach to this great hobby of surrounding myself with beautiful women. I am just like everyone else. And for someone who has always tried to be an "individual," I realize that I need to change. I don't want to be like everyone else. I like being different. I thought this was "my" thing. I guess not. So.......

I can't wait for Transformers 2 to come out!!

Random Thought

I read the NY Daily News, daily. I like to stay a bit in touch with what is going on in NY. I also enjoy responding to some of the articles, especially anything political. The 'Comments' section is one of the best when it comes to full on, argumentative style conversations. New Yorkers can always be counted on to voice their feelings and thoughts, on every issue imaginable. It always amazes me how passionate some people can be for things that I personally find so reprehensible.

Today, I was reading an article on the whole Obama/Rush Limbaugh stuff. I cannot even call it a story, or an issue, or a controversy, since to me, it is pretty stupid and meaningless. But, it made the paper, and I had to weigh in. How can there be so many people who think that this gelatinous tub of lard is an actual "voice" of America? The people defending him are so willing to overlook any fault he has displayed. And he has displayed a lot of faults.

This guy has made fun of Michael J. Fox. He calls any woman in power a femi-nazi. He has played racist tinged songs when talking about Obama. He wishes failure to Obama. He stated that the soldiers at Abu Ghraib were "just blowing off steam." He was busted with illegally obtained drugs, on his way back from a drug fueled, hooker romp on a Carribean Island. The list goes on and on of all the things this guy has done. But the adulation heaped upon him by his loyal fans continues. They will stop at nothing to raise him up on their pedestal, and at the same time, trample anyone who has an opposing view of Rush, under their feet.

There is nothing wrong with having an opposing viewpoint from others. After all, it is America, where we have that right. But Rush takes it to a whole other level. He is mean. He is crude and rude. He is not funny. He is that guy who back in school, picked on the little kids. He is a bully. He hides behind the Free Speech mantel, saying whatever he wants, no matter who it may hurt or impact negatively. He offers nothing postive. His critique of politics is one sided, with nothing ever offered of real value. So when people respond, saying he is speaking truth, I challenge that comment. Truth needs to be tempered with action. And unlike Rush, Obama is acting. Like him or not, he is doing more than any president has in the past. That is a fact. And to expect total and complete change in less than 3 months - that is lunacy. That is something a drug addled mind would think to be possible. And that is another reason why Rush holds no weight with me and many other Americans.

Sucking Up

At what point is it ok to suck up? When I found out that my job was going to be eliminated, I had a few choices of how to behave. I could be all pissed off, moaning and groaning all day long, doing the least amount of work possible, just to stay employed. Or, I could continue on, business as usual, demanding the very best of myself and my team. Or, I could start to suck up to anyone and everyone that might help me extend my time here at BMX.

I have expressed my thoughts on some of the management staff that I deal with. Some of the people I work with are absolutely great managers. They truly seem to care about what does and does not happen here. That is not to say that there are some other managers who could care less. It is apparent though, to me, that some managers are doing what they need to do to get their job done and keep complaints to a minimum. But beyond that, their desire and drive to excel, to go above and beyond, that I don't always see.

So far, I am the only department manager who is facing unemployment. There are a couple of other managers who do not know their future beyond the tasks they are currently responsible for. So they too are a bit nervous about the future. But for now, all of these managers could be an opportunity to me, an opportunity to remain employed, just a little bit longer. So, even though I disagree with some of the ways and processes, is it wrong to suck up to these managers in order to stay employed?

I have always been vocal about those people who use others to get ahead in life. But as the economy gets worse, and more and more people are unemployed, it has become apparent that the best way to get a job, the best way to get an interview, the best way to stay employed, is to suck up. Find the person who can help you the most, and do whatever it takes to get on their good side. Be the first person they think of for anything. Do whatever they ask. Follow all their instructions and never openly complain about anything they do. If that is going on, it can make a difference in your employment.

Now that I find myself in the position to do this, I am stressing over the actual act of sucking up. I never wanted to be one of those people. It felt dishonest to me. I will tell you if I like or dislike something about you, the way you manage, the skills you have or do not have. To pretend, to not speak out, to go along, that is not the course I have followed. So, I ask, is it ok to suck up, even though I have these strong feelings and beliefs about it? Or have I crossed that line and become just what I disliked and what I make a point to call out?

Whatever!! I need to stay employed. I like this company. Whatever it takes......

Statistics

My boss rolled into town yesterday. Since the buyout of our company, I have been reporting to someone in North Carolina. It has been kind of nice, a lot less meetings and late nights, like I experienced with my past boss. But there is always the nagging wonder of what is going on. What is happening in NC that I have no input on and cannot see, until too late? When you report to someone who resides in the same location as you, it is a lot easier to read and stay on top of every situation. Rarely have I been blindsided by anything, when my boss and I worked together. In the same location.

Anyhow....My boss came in to town and I had a scheduled meeting with him pretty soon after his arrival. He hooked up a projector to his laptop and started a beautiful Powerpoint presentation. The first slide, the transition of Toronto business to Montreal. I knew about that, and it was expected. No big loss. The second slide, the transition of all Canadian orders to Montreal. This too was expected. It would cut into my business, causing me to lay off at least 2 people. But the plan was always, Canada business in Canada, US in US.

The next slide was also expected. A transfer of all of my Clinical business to Durham CS. That transfer, happening in July or early August, will result in another 3 people being let go. I would have a team of 3 + me. We would handle our core business, Industrial media sales. That was always the expected end game in this transition. But there was one more slide. One slide that was not expected. That slide, with it's bright colored map of North America, locations boldly listed, arrows pointing this way and that, that slide had still not been discussed. That slide, was not expected.

So, late August/early September, Portland Customer Service will be no more. All Industry business will be moved and handled in Lombard Illinois. This was a surprise. A big one. The site manager of Lombard is moving to Portland to manage this location. The CS group in Lombard is small. Their infrastructure is ancient and in need of serious upgrade just to handle their current load. We have a Fax Server. We have new PC's and a bright, clean office space. And most important, my CSR Team has experience with the media we sell and the customers we sell to. Lombard and Durham have never sold our product line. Our customers have been with us for 30 years, and some of my people have been here for 15. Everything made sense for keeping all Industry business here in Portland. However, that will not be the case.

So 9 more people will become part of the ever growing statistics by September. I have the joyful duty of slowly letting people go. Like a weeping wound, the blood will flow for the next 4 to 6 months. 2 here, 3 there, until no one is left. My boss was nice about it, but business is business. I have been around long enough to know that this is how things work out sometimes. It is sad though. The potential opportunities with this new company were pretty good. Much more than we could ever expect with the old ownership. But, we are just a purchase. Just a business venture. There was no reason to take the experience here and integrate it into their structure. After all, every business feels they have the best people and processes. Sometimes that is true and other times......

The payout is decent. I will more than likely stick around until the very end because of that. I also keep hoping, albeit a stretch, that something will change. Something will come up that will require me to stick around and assist. I thought I would at least make it a year here. I thought that I would start to develop a long term future with this new company. Everything about them was good. After all, it was a foreign based company, which meant that they offered things no American company does. That was a nice thing to have. But it was fleeting. It will pass. And that is sad. I never wanted to be a statistic in this economic climate. I did not want any of my people to be part of the unemployment numbers. But they will as will I.

I have no doubt that things will work out for all of us. Some will use this as the kick in the butt they needed to reach for something more than what they were doing. Others will end up doing the same thing they are doing now. Maybe for a better company. Maybe for better pay. But all in all, the team that I built, that will be no more. The friendships that have developed, they will be there for a while and then slowly but surely dissapear. I know it because I have lived it. Several times. All in all, shit happens. And that really sucks!!

Inflexibility - Is that a word?

Last night I encountered a situation that caused me to stop and think about things in a "big picture" kind of way. And the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became. And since this is where I decided to vent, here it is.

I sent two of my employees on a road trip to Chicago. We are in the middle of transitioning over to a new software package to operate our business. Good times indeed. Anyone who has ever done this, knows exactly what kind of good times we are experiencing. Anyhow, I am getting off topic.

I sent these two people to Chicago. On their trip, they experienced flight delays, including an hour tour of the Chicago airport, thanks to some extra taxi time in their plane. I booked the entire trip thru the approved company travel representatives. I used my credit card information but supplied all of their personal information. Itineraries were sent out, indicating everything was in order and ready for their arrivals. They left on a Sunday. Just in time to be ready for a long week of learning.

Around 9pm or so, I started getting semi-frantic phone calls. The car rental was not paid for. I am at home, in a drugged out frame of mind (extra morphine), watching SNL, drinking Baileys spiked hot chocolate. I am informed that I need to fax a copy of my license and credit card, as well as a statement authorizing my employee to rent this car. Maybe I am behind on things, but I do not have a fax machine. A printer, scanner and alot of computers, but no fax. Not even a landline. All cellular in my 'casa.' So, my brain goes into overdrive. How do I fix this? I am starting to get annoyed, because I am sure I had all of this taken care of before they left. I paid extra for the service to avoid this kind of thing. I used to travel alot when I started out, and I have been in situations like this. The last thing I wanted was for my own people to experience this. But, in true drugged up fashion, I come up with a super complex, yet simple solution.

The rental car company faxes the "form" to my work #. I log in thru my VPN connection, and email that fax to my home address. Then I print it off at home, fill it out, scan it and email it back to work. Then, back into my work PC, and fax it back to the car rental company. Freaking McGruber all the way. The only thing missing was a gum wrapper.

All of this worked out. The rental company released the car, and I happily settled in to watch the rest of my SNL show. Thank god for DVR. But there is more. Around 10pm or so, another phone call. The same crap at the hotel. What is wrong with travel agencies these days? No wonder no one uses them anymore. I think I am going back to self booking. Anyhow, they wanted to fax me a form, and wanted pretty much the same information. So, I attempt to follow the same process.

This time however, the fax that the hotel sends over is so light that when I scan and send it back, they cannot see anything but what I had wrote on the form. My team calls me back to inform me that the girl behind the counter needs me to fill out "the form" not just write on a blank piece of paper. Because that is what I do, on a late Sunday evening, when my employees are in a situation. I pull out a blank piece of paper and write random crap on it. Really!!? I tell them to put the lady on the phone. She is the "manager" so there is no one I can speak to above her. She needs the form filled out. She cannot understand that I did fill the form out. Match it up!! All the lines correspond with the flippin form!! But that is not good enough. She "needs the form, sir." I had this feeling that I would be making a trip to Kinko's for a late night faxing session.

The hotel sent another, darker copy of their precious form. I filled it out and faxed it back, and apparently everything is good at this point. But it started me thinking. Why was this form so important, that they had to hold up my tired, late night employees from getting their rooms? They had my credit card. They had held the reservations under that card, for those two people. The rooms are for the entire week. Why, if they needed additional information, did they just not request it, and then allow me to address it all this morning? Why? Because the "night manager" was never trained to deal with issues. She was never trained to work with situations as they occur, in a logical and sensible manner. No, instead she was trained to follow a process that did not compensate for any deviations. And then, as the only person there, she was forced to deal with this issue in an inflexible manner.

I notice alot of businesses fail in this area. The "common sense" approach has been eliminated. For whatever reasons, be it to save cost, allow for less training, provide stability, whatever, they have moved away from doing the right thing in situations. Now, if the blanks are not filled in completely, if the documents are not all in order, if the answers are not all there, then the transactions cannot be completed. And that leaves people stranded. It leaves people wanting. It leaves people angry and upset and less likely to ever use that business or service again. And no matter what the rule or procedures were for, I am quite certain it was not to lose business. It was not to piss off customers. But that is exactly what is happening.

I decided right then and there, that the common sense approach to business is the way to go. There is a need for rules and processes. Too many people try to take advantage of businesses. They try to get the most they can, for free, when they can. But not all situations are like that. This one was not. This was two people in need of their room. They wanted nothing free. They wanted to sleep. I want common sense to make a comeback. The "night manager" had to see that the reservation was for the week. She had my credit card information in front of her. She could have easily put my employees in their rooms, and addressed all of the paperwork the next morning. But she lacked common sense. She was not able to think outside her policies and procedures. And that is makes no sense.

So that's what you do!

I was eating dinner last night, a somewhat dissapointing carne asada burrito, when I received an email from a VIP. I mean this person's email signature has so many acronyms, abbreviations and titles, that it wraps across the entire bottom of every email he sends out. Obviously he is important, and he has to show us how important he is. I could go on and on about that, but I won't.

So this person is a Senior VP of Marketing, Technical Support and Product Development. Working with this individual, it has been extremely hard to understand what he does. He is out of the office, alot. He rolls in late, every day. Whenever you request something from him, he asks dozens of questions, to the point where a person will just give up and move on, doing it themselves or dropping it completely. The only time I have seen him follow thru with something is when he is cornered by someone with an equal or bigger title than his. And from everything I have seen, he will not hesitate to throw anyone under the bus to save his ass. A real nice guy. A marketing guy. A salesman.

So this guy has been on my ass for months about the signature lines on my team's email. He has continually pushed for me to have my people change to a generic signature, with no flair or flavor. I agreed, to a point, that there should be consistency and accuracy, but that outside of anything crazy, a little personalization would not harm anything. And besides, no one but him was complaining. Our company was bought up by a larger company. They have a fairly complex signature template, and this Marketing guy was kind enough to provide it to the company. We all implemented it, but a lot of us tweaked it a bit to make it look "tight." Nothing crazy. A seperation line between the body of the email and the signature. Bolded name and a font and color change on the "please recycle" line. All in all, the signature looks the same when printed out on paper. The difference would and is really imperceptible to pretty much anyone.

So, last night I received this: I noticed that your signature line is different from the template provided by (company name). This is a corporate standard. You should remove the bold and the line above your signature, standardize the font size and color. We need to make sure that others don't think it's ok to deviate, I'm sure you understand. Let me know if any questions.

A senior VP of a whole slew of departments has become the email signature police! Nothing else on this guy's plate was more important to deal with. Not the pricing issues we have been asking for his group to clear up. Not the contracts that we are still dealing with. Not the outdated and incorrect catalog. Or the fact that some of our mainline products are acting up, and he is in charge of Technical Services. None of that was important for him to deal with. He had to email me at 7pm, to let me know that I was not compliant with his template. Nevermind that he is not my boss, that people at or above his level have similar signature lines like mine. No. None of that was a factor for him last night. He put on his badge and made ready to round up all us "offenders." It was one of those moments that I could just not shake. I thought about it for the rest of the evening. I was thinking about it when I woke up. On the drive in, I could only think about how ridiculous this request was. I don't understand. I have a lot of questions. Not about email signatures of course. To me, this was one of those surreal moments, where again, you are reminded that people are getting paid obscene amounts of money to saunter around policing email signatures. Not to make this political, but I really hope that the checks and balances that Obama is putting into place will prevent this same kind of behavior at the government level. After all, if there ever was a place where you could imagine an email signature cop, it would be in the halls of Congress.